The question is… can a sinus infection  be cured with cayenne pepper?

I read this on the interwebs, swear. to. God.

The jury’s deliberating.

What exactly drove this chronic sinus sufferer to research homeopathic alternatives, you ask?

I’ve freaking had it. Up to here! Pointing to the tippy top of the mucous mans top hat, that’s what.

After a solid week of rest, fluids, pain relievers, decongestants, diligent sinus irrigation, warm compresses and steam.

I. give. up.

And… NO, I’d rather not visit my primary care physician to be put on antibiotics.

Just no.

I’m a nurse for fucks sake. Nurses cure themselves. Plus, they tend to use a smarter more practical approach.  

I dove into the interwebs and researched homeopathic sinus remedies, with great hopes of putting this current green monster to rest. 

RIP Mucous Man! 

In a nut shell, the three top homeopathic choices were apple cider vinegar, cayenne pepper and hydrogen peroxide.

Here are the suggested dosages and methods if you’re interested.

I decided to go with the cayenne pepper. Mostly, because I like it HOT HOT HOT!!

Apple cider vinegar via inhalation- 1 tsp/cup of steaming water or 1/4 cup/vaporizer (average size) tank. Breathe it in.

Taken orally (drinking <–clarified, because you never know) the reccomended dose is 1 tsp/1 cup of steaming water. *Honey may be added to make this more palatable. 

*Unfortunate note- I almost barfed after a few sips. 

This may work out better, if perhaps you took a shot of Jack Daniels first. You already feel like total shit or you wouldn’t be considering drinking ACV in the first place, so it certainly couldn’t hurt.

The hydrogen peroxide option is for irrigation only. (via Neti pot or other system. I use the Sinugator by NeilMed. The Sinugator kicks ass. Plus, I like the cool name. Sinugator… RAWR!) Approx. 3ml/50ml distilled or sterile water. I keep approximating, because in witch doctory everything is approximated or ‘ish’, I assume. 

I just made that up, because this is obviously not an exact science. Plus, I’m the boss of this post.

The cayenne pepper option can be snorted (the word snort makes me giggle madly) or taken orally. Oral- 1 tsp/cup of hot water- ingested 3 times per day. To snort, (giggle) put a TEENY (I can’t possibly stress this enough) pinch between your fingers and sniff it up. 

Did I mention this is NOT for wimps? That part gets very very important here, as some people may find themselves running to the ER.

If you’re one of them, do not try this. Go directly to your physican and get a wussy antibiotic, you whiny baby. In fact, I think I hear your mommy calling you.

You’ve been warned.

Here’s a little blurb I wrote while conducting the CP experiment. For authenticity’s sake.

OoooooEmmmfuckinGeeeee!!!!

Lawd Jesus, it’s a FIRE….  in my nose!

Someone grab a cold pop. I’m ready to stick a Popsicle in each nostril.

This is NOT for wimps.

Things that have gone numb… nostrils, lips, tongue and most of my nose.

Possibly my eyes, but who could tell through the tears.

Do not try this at home.

The Internet experts swore this wasn’t unbearable and would only burn for a few minutes.

The Internet people are fucking liars liars… my nose is on FIRE!!!

I should’ve YouTubed this stunt, because then maybe I could get an endorsement from the cayenne pepper people instead of continuing to seek a normal boring day job.

Normal day jobs suck.

Yes, I’d absofuckinglutely be willing to turn myself into an inferno for cash.

Cha ching$$

Fifteen minutes and counting.

My glasses are fogging up for real and that has me LMAO and crying all at the same time.

Look… I’m a dragon!!

Bahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!

If this works I may never have to go to the doctors ever again.

The burn is starting to subside.

Breeeeeeeeathe.

Official study results- It’s been approximately 24 hours and I’m elated to say that I’ve seen a considerable improvement. The symptoms aren’t 100% gone, but I believe I’ve won the battle.

The Battle of FIRE!!!