Paranormal Activity for Pansies and Parents without Girls

 

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A movie review… sort of and an open letter to the makers of Paranormal Activity-Five.

 
Seriously??
 
 
Perhaps you Paranormal movie making people could benefit from a field trip to my home.
 
 
No charge.
 
 
My two girls share the same menstrual cycle… and quite frankly, the catching-the-bus-scene in my home on any given Monday morning rivals the hell outta the infamous puke scene from the Exorcist.
 
 
Furthermore…
 
 
Never ever fuck with the dog. That just pisses me off.
 
 
*Not a spoiler. I’m pretty sure the dog didn’t die.
 
 
Who could tell. I was bored and only like half paying attention.
 
 
I mean…
 
 
Did you guys even try??
 
 
 
2012-10-27
 
 
My favorite part was definitely the previews of Channing Tatum in the new Jump Street movie. That can’t suck because he’s in it, so at the very least you get 90 minutes of feel good chemicals flowing warmly through your grey matter and other places.
 
 
Plus popcorn.
 
 
Two thumbs down Paranormal people. I have GIRLS, you can’t scare me.
 
 
Ps- If you need ideas, please feel free to message me.
 
 
popcorn and movie
 

PMS; Prepare to Meet Satan…

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Signs that you may have PMS.

* You can toast marshmallows with your breath.

*Your default response to EVERYTHING is… fuckoff and die.

*Your secret chocolate stash looks like it was ransacked by Bigfoot, except it was actually you.

*Everyone in the house including the dog are wearing crucifix’s.

*The snowman is reduced to a puddle when you walk by.

*Your only emotion is RageSobLaugh simultaneously.

*You roll Prozac in chocolate, because you’re desperate.

*You consider slitting a biker dudes neck with your hang nail because he’s in your way, but you spare him when you remember there’s no chocolate in the Big House.

(To be continued… in 28ish days.)

PMS

Signs that you might have PMS

Signs that you may have PMS.

* You can toast marshmallows with your breath.

*Your default response to EVERYTHING is… fuckoff and die.

*Your secret chocolate stash looks like it was ransacked by Bigfoot except it was actually you.

*Everyone in the house are wearing crucifix’s… including the dog.

*The snowman is reduced to a puddle when you walk by.

*Your only emotion is RageSobLaugh simultaneously.

*You roll your morning Prozac in chocolate because you’re desperate.

*You consider slashing a biker dudes neck with your hang nail because he’s in your way, but you spare him when you remember there’s no chocolate in the Big House.

(To be continued… in 28ish days.)

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