Dunkin WHAT??

Posted in Everything Extreme by Extreme Mom

My Real Life Trip to Dunkin DONUTS- OUT OF hot chocolate, munchkins and vanilla frosted DONUTS.
This isn’t the first time.
The last time they were out of DONUTS.
By DONUTS, I mean ALL DONUTS.
Not a single DONUT in Dunkin DONUTS.

If I didn’t know any better, I’d guess it was government run.
Everyone knows the government holds all records for least efficiently run everything.

Possible Reasons Dunkin ran out of DONUTS…

*The donut maker guy got caught up in a marathon game of Candy Crush. (Understandable)

*The employees had the munchies.

*Cheech and Chong just left the drive thru.

* The time-to-make-the-donuts guy overslept or died.

*Bigfoot got wasted with Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High and they broke in and stole all the donut mix.

*Wilford Bradley bought all of the donuts to save YOUR soul from dia-beat-us.

*A prankster broke in to DD and drew pictures of donuts on the employees glasses, so it looked like they had an excess of donuts.

*Somebody fed the police department marijuana pizza, so they needed extra donuts to keep our city safe.

*DD is run by incompetent teenagers and this is just a preview of the end of the world as we know it, and possibly a cure for dia-beat-us.

26Apr2013

PMS; Prepare to Meet Satan…

Posted in Everything Extreme by Extreme Mom

Signs that you may have PMS.

* You can toast marshmallows with your breath.

*Your default response to EVERYTHING is… fuckoff and die.

*Your secret chocolate stash looks like it was ransacked by Bigfoot, except it was actually you.

*Everyone in the house including the dog are wearing crucifix’s.

*The snowman is reduced to a puddle when you walk by.

*Your only emotion is RageSobLaugh simultaneously.

*You roll Prozac in chocolate, because you’re desperate.

*You consider slitting a biker dudes neck with your hang nail because he’s in your way, but you spare him when you remember there’s no chocolate in the Big House.

(To be continued… in 28ish days.)

28Jan2013

Chocolate ala’ vomit

Posted in Damned DOG, Everything Extreme by Extreme Mom

When I posted the Candy-ALL-Day food pyramid, I was NOT referring to the DOG.

Sigh…

Unfortunately, he takes after me when it comes to being a chocoholic.

Shit.

Not to mention vomit… in the flavor chocolate.

Lots of it.

Bakers chocolate (that’s the worse kind)

We don’t do anything half-assed.

He grabbed it off the kitchen table. Evidently. (as opposed to me serving it to him in a swanky crystal dish)

He has the agility of a cat and the perseverance of a gargantua with PMS.

Kinda like me, except for the agility part. (even though I totally STUCK a cartwheel the other day)

Good news- I’m no longer limping.

Now it’s the dogs turn to be Fuck-up of the Day.

And so he is…

28Jan2013

Signs that you might have PMS

Posted in Damned KIDS, Everything Extreme by Extreme Mom

Signs that you may have PMS.

* You can toast marshmallows with your breath.

*Your default response to EVERYTHING is… fuckoff and die.

*Your secret chocolate stash looks like it was ransacked by Bigfoot except it was actually you.

*Everyone in the house are wearing crucifix’s… including the dog.

*The snowman is reduced to a puddle when you walk by.

*Your only emotion is RageSobLaugh simultaneously.

*You roll your morning Prozac in chocolate because you’re desperate.

*You consider slashing a biker dudes neck with your hang nail because he’s in your way, but you spare him when you remember there’s no chocolate in the Big House.

(To be continued… in 28ish days.)