PMS; Prepare to Meet Satan…

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Signs that you may have PMS.

* You can toast marshmallows with your breath.

*Your default response to EVERYTHING is… fuckoff and die.

*Your secret chocolate stash looks like it was ransacked by Bigfoot, except it was actually you.

*Everyone in the house including the dog are wearing crucifix’s.

*The snowman is reduced to a puddle when you walk by.

*Your only emotion is RageSobLaugh simultaneously.

*You roll Prozac in chocolate, because you’re desperate.

*You consider slitting a biker dudes neck with your hang nail because he’s in your way, but you spare him when you remember there’s no chocolate in the Big House.

(To be continued… in 28ish days.)

PMS

Signs that you might have PMS

Signs that you may have PMS.

* You can toast marshmallows with your breath.

*Your default response to EVERYTHING is… fuckoff and die.

*Your secret chocolate stash looks like it was ransacked by Bigfoot except it was actually you.

*Everyone in the house are wearing crucifix’s… including the dog.

*The snowman is reduced to a puddle when you walk by.

*Your only emotion is RageSobLaugh simultaneously.

*You roll your morning Prozac in chocolate because you’re desperate.

*You consider slashing a biker dudes neck with your hang nail because he’s in your way, but you spare him when you remember there’s no chocolate in the Big House.

(To be continued… in 28ish days.)

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Are you there God?

Are you there God it’s me, Margaret. (It’s actually, Gina but he knows that because duh, he’s God)

Good news- this ISN’T about my period again. It’s just a simple request if you’re taking them today.

Today, doesn’t work for me for the whole migraine thing. If possible, I’d like to reschedule it for say, a Monday.

Migraines are definitely a Monday kinda thing.

My son has a wrestling tournament today. One of those all day deals that actually feels like a month, one complete menstrual cycle or the lifespan of a fly. (Roughly 21- 28 days)

Roughly <–That means GUESStimate.

In other words, this isn’t an exam on houseflies wearing Kotex, it’s a just silly random statement because I love those.

The point is… turn the buzzing off in my head. It’s aggravating the premenstrual flies.

Thanks.

*Note- “Are you there God, it’s me Margaret” is a book about periods and kissing boys by Judy Blume.

When I was in 5th grade, you had to be on the library’s waiting list (which was something like 1 week or 100 years) to check it out.

Also, you weren’t allowed to let the boys or adults see it, because it was kinda like porn.

Good times.

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