Alternate kick-ass uses for the creeper Elf on a Shelf




*Replace his limbs with juicy hotdogs and gift him to your hungry dog or pet cheetah


*Wind him around a cardboard roll to use as emergency toilet paper


*Roll him in Cheese Whiz and strategically place in rat trap to guarantee… “not a creature is stirring.”


*Install creepy light-up eyeballs that activate when your naughty kid gets out of bed at night – *submit this to America’s Funniest Videos for a chance to win $10,000 to cover your childs future therapy bill


*Wrap him around a plunger and unclog the toilet of festive holiday leavings


*Fill with sand and carefully position at the end of your driveway as a speed bump for cocky teenagers and unwelcome solicitors. *spikes optional*


*Fill his head with bacon grease and explode it in the microwave for a science fair project, totally winning the science fair


*Replace his hands with tongs to help remove the extra-partsthat-don’t-belong-there-in-the-first-place out of the holiday turkeys caboose


*Fill his legs with catnip and film the best YouTube video EVER- starring your cat


*Lube him up and use as a holiday-themed tampon for heavy flow days


*Fill him with fire ants and gift to your favorite coworker, relative, ex-boyfriend or boss


*Use as canine pleasure companion for when your dog gets humpy


*Give him a stylish steel wool afro and use his sorry noggin to scrub the green stuff out of the fridge


*Put your hand up his butt like a puppet – to keep it from freezing when brushing the snow off your car


*Soak him in lighter fluid to use as festive fireplace kindling and/or roast his vodka-soaked nuts on an open fire


*Make him into an ugly sweater for your litter box scooper


*Replace his insides with elastic and use to sling-shot frozen monkey poop at people who hold up the line at the DMV


*Use him to put out small fires, like the next time your kids blow up the toaster oven


*Use his extra long legs as ties to hold your kids barf bag around his neck during flu season


*Replace his stuffing with pennies and use them to pay for your next Taco Bell order


*Use as an absorbent mop head to soak up toxic spills… like the explosive aftermath almost always created when well-meaning relatives sneak your dog table scraps


*Replace his head with a clove of garlic and fasten him to the front of your straight jacket to keep vampires and crazy relatives away. Eat his head in an emergency


*Use to clean up the bloody mess when your 15 year old with ADD gets her period


*Place a bulb syringe in his hat and use him to suck the sticky boogers out of your uncooperative toddlers nose


*Fasten to your car bumper to cushion the blow for poorly located deer and pedestrians, thereby sparring Rudolph’s life and potentially saving Christmas


*Use as an incontinence liner for grandma, so when she gets run over in the annual reindeer stampede… she won’t lose her sh*t


Read more Extreme Mom holiday stories here.



5 thoughts on “Alternate kick-ass uses for the creeper Elf on a Shelf

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s