Paranormal Activity for Pansies and Parents without Girls



A movie review… sort of and an open letter to the makers of Paranormal Activity-Five.

Perhaps you Paranormal movie making people could benefit from a field trip to my home.
No charge.
My two girls share the same menstrual cycle… and quite frankly, the catching-the-bus-scene in my home on any given Monday morning rivals the hell outta the infamous puke scene from the Exorcist.
Never ever fuck with the dog. That just pisses me off.
*Not a spoiler. I’m pretty sure the dog didn’t die.
Who could tell. I was bored and only like half paying attention.
I mean…
Did you guys even try??
My favorite part was definitely the previews of Channing Tatum in the new Jump Street movie. That can’t suck because he’s in it, so at the very least you get 90 minutes of feel good chemicals flowing warmly through your grey matter and other places.
Plus popcorn.
Two thumbs down Paranormal people. I have GIRLS, you can’t scare me.
Ps- If you need ideas, please feel free to message me.
popcorn and movie

Kiss my Butt, Orville!!!


Screw you Orville.

When I see this sitting on the kitchen counter my hair stands straight up, like Marge Simpson, except on FIRE.

I’m not a neat freak by any stretch of the imagination, but this demonic popcorn canon has clearly pushed me beyond my limits.

Pow! Pow! Pow!

Floor, countertop, sink…

Two points for the cat dish.. RAWRR!!

The crowd goes wild.


HURRY… must find SOMETHING to melt the butter in!

How about mom’s special crystal Princess House coffee mug?


Nuke butter until it boils over onto microwave tray creating an slippery puddle… check.

Leave it … check.

 Munch on popcorn in front of TV, making sure the carpet critters get their fair share.


Put GINORMOUS popcorn bowl (that barely fits in sink) …in sink, making sure the kernels float in the dish foam.

Toss butter melting cup into cold dish water for extra slick dishes.

This adventure now requires a broom, vacuum cleaner, extra load of dishes and a shot of Tequila.

I vote for microwave popcorn every. single. time, but NOOOO!!!

It’s a kid thing, that they learned from the man-child.

Popcorn sucks.

The End.