*You’ve fallen and you can’t get up

*He or she is greater than 50 miles away

*You’re being held captive by Bigfoots in the Rocky Mountains where they just so happen to have a kick-ass wifi signal

*You’re suspicious that they’re engaging in extracurriculars and you need to urinate on the Internet to mark your territory

*A stealth bomber crashed through your living room and the love of your life is on the other side of the wreckage

*You’ve been deployed to Mars

*Every time you post on Facebook a Kit Kat bar and a $100 bill pops out of your laptop

*You have a comfy spot in front of the fireplace and you don’t feel like walking ALL the way down to the man cave.

*Christian Grey has you tethered to a telephone pole and you’re starting to feel guilty… or you’re freezing and you need him to bring you a jacket

*You’re a hopeless romantic who loves their partner and is compelled to SHOUT it from the rooftops (or in stores)… so you don’t puke unicorn glitter on yourself

“I’m singing… I’m in a store and I’m siiiiiiiiiiinging!!!!!

❤️ Many of my friends are in fact engaging in this bizarre ritual and for the record, I love those people dearly, but nonetheless they’re all DORKASAURUSES. ❤️