Chronicles of ThatGoddamnedCat- Meet Max

There’s red splatter all over the family room carpet and it doesn’t remotely resemble anything I’ve served in the kitchen over the past week.
All clues point to ThatGoddamnedCat.
223451_554808267865663_624610915_n
If you’re new here, I affectionately refer to my cat as ThatGoddamnedCat, because he’s earned that title at least 100 times over.
Plus, I thought That-mutherfuckin-cat was a bit too abrasive.
I rescued ThatGoddamnedCat from the woods of no-mans-land Pennsylvania something like seven years ago.
His blood is feral and he’s a killing machine, which would be all well and good if he didn’t bring his trophy’s in the house.
574587_485101128169711_1786865360_n
Especially when they’re undead and able to run around and reap havoc.
Sometimes ThatGoddamnedCat actually has the audacity to leave his live conquests under the sofa while he catches some zzz’s.
425828_574834175863072_1436447467_n
Cats are rude.
I surmise he’s saving it for later, which by the way is absolutely forbidden by household law.
Household law clearly states- No playing with your food and absolutely no saving shit for later that still has a heartbeat.
Just no.
If you want to run around like a saber tooth tiger from the prehistoric era, you will do it outside, mister.
230362_2001972456569_1517748_n 252333_2012092589566_2507212_n 224296_1969335240659_5321503_n253992_2022330445506_3891082_n
I’m not entirely sure how to calculate cat years, but I do know they tend to outlive dogs by (sometimes) up to 10 years.
That’s an entire lifespan for a dog and totally unfair in my dog-loving opinion.
I’ve never actually had a 20 year old cat, but apparently it’s possible (and it would be just my luck <– I said that part under my breath, which is why it’s in parenthesis)
Of course I love my psycho feline beast. I really do.
imagesCA47IOW4
He’s different just like everyone else in this family, so he’s the perfect misfit.
Believe it or not, ThatGoddamnedCat has some positive attributes.
1011687_611978828815273_1151720600_n
Like, he doesn’t require a litter box. That right there is a BIGGIE.
He takes care of business almost exclusively outside.
I said almost because last winter was a bitch, so we were forced to bring the litter box inside.
*By bitch, I mean the snow was so deep he couldn’t navigate further than the front porch.
Although, he did try.
Bonus points to ThatGoddamnedCat for trying.
star-1-png
No litter box is a big selling point for a cat. It almost gives them almost human-like self sufficiency.
The other perk is that he’s not a picky eater. In addition to bird, rodent and squirrel he eats mostly dry non-stinky food.
No nasty cat food cans is a another BIG plus.
I have one of those ginormous feeders that are meant to be used when you go on vacation and leave your cat to sulk and act out.
I call it the lazy feeder because you only have to tend to the cat like every 10 days or so.
Best. invention. ever.
15080_10200772037130882_807051554_n
So, ThatGoddamnedCat isn’t all that bad.
If only, he had more useful skills like folding laundry or cleaning up his own bloody messes…
afb0deefee99ffd941e0653b8c905629

If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

Advertisements

7 thoughts on “Chronicles of ThatGoddamnedCat- Meet Max

  1. Pingback: Not a Creature was Stirring: Holiday Chronicles of ThatGoddamnedCat | Extreme Mom

  2. Pingback: Chronicles of ThatGoddamnedCat- Meet LuckyBastard my Chipmunk Friend | Extreme Mom

  3. Pingback: Twas the First Day of School… | Extreme Mom

  4. I think I would rather deal with litter boxes rather than cat dinner leftovers. I found a mouse tail and hind leg on my carpet in the basement last year and I just about puked. Barforama… I admire your patience.

    Like

    • I have pioneer woman in my blood… so, not much phases me.
      Also, it’s hard to get mad at him when he’s strutting around like a proud peacock.

      It’s a cat thing…

      Like

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s