Captcha Codes Suck Robot Balls

Captcha codes make me want to smash my computer screen with a sledge hammer.
On average, it takes me three to four tries before I finally solve the almighty puzzle that was ironically intended to prove I’m an independent thinker and not a smart-ass computer bot.


This makes no sense to me, as it’s no secret that computer bots whoop our mortal asses regularly at pretty much EVERYTHING.
I’ve concluded that these eye-stabbing codes are actually the workings of wiseass robots sitting around a board table smoking weed taking bets on how many attempts it will take us before we finally crack.
 I also suspect there’s a padded room full of captive toddlers and illegible script writing physicians, who do nothing all day but write captcha codes and drink vodka out of a straw.
I wouldn’t be surprised if we the victims (and the butt of their jokes) were being recorded for an episode of reality TV in the bot world.

“Hahaha!! That man is on his 92nd attempt. Taking bets that he self destructs before he gets to 100!!”


Having been recently tortured by this riddle-type nonsense, I was inspired to jot down a list of things that would be easier and considerably less painful than cracking a typical mind numbing captcha code-

*Solving a quadratic equation in your head after drinking a pint of Jäger
*Shaving a female Bigfoot of Italian decent
*Writing a best selling novel… in German after consuming a case of Heineken
*Removing a steak from the jaws of a hungry female sabertooth tiger with PMS
*Giving a badger a pedicure- complete with pretty little recreations of the Sistine Chapel on each toe
*Recreating the Mona Lisa on an Etch-a-sketch blindfolded
*Getting my kids on the school bus peacefully… on the Monday following a holiday weekend
*Flossing Jaws teeth (the shark or the gnarly beast character from the James Bond movies- you pick)
Certainly there are more efficient, not to mention less excruciating methods of determining that a person is not in fact a robot.
Perhaps, a simple check box.
My race can be best described as:
American Eskimo…Asian…African American…Caucasian…Latino…Native American…ROBOT

I’m pretty sure robots can’t lie because duh, they’re robots.

Everyone knows robots are trustworthy.
Highly intelligent and evil, but nonetheless… trustworthy.
All in favor of a check box…
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