My Ghost Life…

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If I die young, do not mourn me, for I have very important work to do in the afterlife.

By work, I mean Hauntings.

You betcha, I’m going to be like Casper’s evil brothers except with residual estrogen… so waaaay scarier.

I’m not a firm believer in Karma, so I’m compiling a list of people I’m going to visit regularly as an apparition.

Mostly, they’re the same people I have voodoo dolls of at the present time. The list is mostly made up of coaches, teachers, bosses- people who used their authority for evil rather than good and unfortunately for them… I was involved in the crossfire. More specifically speaking- people who wronged my kids, even if it was unknowingly.

Worse offense ever.

I’m an avid watcher of A Haunting and I’ve seen every episode at least once, so I know which techniques will produce the best results.

I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty excited about this. And, it’s not gonna be only three nights like Ebenezer Scrooge and <<poof!>> they’re exonerated. Nope. I plan on moving in with a couple of them.

I also planning on enlisting all of my deceased dogs and cats as my accomplices. We can cover more territory.

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Everyone knows pets are the most devout creatures on earth, so it could get ugly for a chosen few. Also, cats are assholes when they’re alive, so dead they ought to be like a scene out of the Exorcist except with teeth and claws.

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I’m hoping anyway.

If you and I happened to be friends during my time on Earth, know that It’s me performing random ghostly acts to cheer you up or make you giggle.

Like if your boss falls down the stairs carrying an extra large coffee… It was me who pushed her.

You’re very welcome.

The point of this story?

I happen to believe the “other side” has a lot of potential.

Who knows, it may even be better over there.

When my time comes to cross over, please celebrate my new adventure. Even though I’m physically gone from Earth, I have absolutely no intentions of going away.

Ps- I’m dead serious about this whole thing.

I totally believe in spirits.

Pss- you probably want to stay on my good side.

 

 

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Paranormal Activity for Pansies and Parents without Girls

 

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A movie review… sort of and an open letter to the makers of Paranormal Activity-Five.

 
Seriously??
 
 
Perhaps you Paranormal movie making people could benefit from a field trip to my home.
 
 
No charge.
 
 
My two girls share the same menstrual cycle… and quite frankly, the catching-the-bus-scene in my home on any given Monday morning rivals the hell outta the infamous puke scene from the Exorcist.
 
 
Furthermore…
 
 
Never ever fuck with the dog. That just pisses me off.
 
 
*Not a spoiler. I’m pretty sure the dog didn’t die.
 
 
Who could tell. I was bored and only like half paying attention.
 
 
I mean…
 
 
Did you guys even try??
 
 
 
2012-10-27
 
 
My favorite part was definitely the previews of Channing Tatum in the new Jump Street movie. That can’t suck because he’s in it, so at the very least you get 90 minutes of feel good chemicals flowing warmly through your grey matter and other places.
 
 
Plus popcorn.
 
 
Two thumbs down Paranormal people. I have GIRLS, you can’t scare me.
 
 
Ps- If you need ideas, please feel free to message me.
 
 
popcorn and movie