Bite Me Maria Kang

What’s your excuse?

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Maria Kang asked and Extreme Mom answered.

First and foremost, I’d like to clarify that the word EXCUSE is not necessarily accurate. I prefer the word DECISION.

Excuses are for the weak. There is nothing weak about my personal decision to embrace carbs. In fact, if you swipe my cookies I will kick your ass.

That’s a DECISION.

Word.

My decisions to embrace my soft side are as follows-

I like me… just the way I am.

Seriously, I am good with me.

Plus, I’m married. My husband has seen me a naked size two a couple of decades ago, so technically it never has to happen again.

I’m always cold, so strutting around in that little sports bra combo wouldn’t exactly work out for me. I prefer flannel pants and a sweatshirt. I’m all about comfort.

I don’t want my boys friends coming over to see ME. It wouldn’t be fair.

I’m a solar powered individual who lives in a place that’s overcast 75% of the time, so I hoard my energy reserves for stuff like working, waiting on my kids and breathing.Β 

Damned genetics, sugary DNA… blah blah, blah. My father was the gingerbread man. I live with the sweet results.

I have an adorable lap dog who prefers his sleep number setting on SOFT.

Chocolate is my favorite food group and I’m not giving it up for God, Channing Tatum or ALL the money in the word. Chocolate completes me. It also keeps me from hurting others.

I don’t want to be a showoff. Nobody likes show offs.

Nobody would recognize me, so I’d be forced to wear the equivalent of Flo’s big trippin awesome name tag and there’s only ONE Flo. I have a strict policy that states- no impersonating TV commercial stars. Also, I love Flo.

Furthermore, Mrs. Kang-

Your pre-gravid body was a lean model and a bodybuilder.

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News flash.

That puts your BASELINE body well off the curve of normal for women who are the rest of us.

Comparatively speaking, you are not exactly the buff body builder you used to be pre- childbirth.

What’s YOUR excuse?

PS- I want to tell you to BITE ME right now, but I’m definitely not low carb, so instead you can bend over and kiss my ass.

It’s good exercise.

Find my response to the hate mail I received in response to this post here.

 

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2 thoughts on “Bite Me Maria Kang

  1. Pingback: The World is a Bazillion Shades of Grey- Don’t be Judgy | Extreme Mom

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