Merry Hanukkah, Happy Christmas or WhatTheHellEver.



Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays… Who really cares about the verbiage??

I for one DO NOT.

I’m sick to death of political correctness. Our society is quickly transforming into a bunch of whiny-baby self serving assholes.

A greeting in good faith is simply a greeting in good faith.

Who really cares if you’re a Jehovah’s Witness, disciple of Tom Cruise, Christian, Buddhist or some other modern made-up cult.

It just doesn’t matter.

There is NO EXCUSE for rudeness.

When someone wishes you a Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, Joyful Kwanza or WhatTheFuckEver, you graciously say “Thank you, same to you.”

Is it THAT difficult?

The person is offering WELL wishes for Gods <or insert your favorite SUPREME POWERS NAME here> sake.

Don’t get your elf thong in a bunch.

The REAL issue here should be- Howinthehell do you spell Hanukkah/Chanukah anyway??!!

The Jewish faith gets a FAIL for inconsistency and indecision. We’ll wait patiently while you people vote on the correct spelling. I say lose the C. Who needs extra letters that you don’t even pronounce?

<< Jeopardy theme song inserted HERE >> It’s already playing in my brain, you may as well enjoy it too.

This particular Jewish holiday also kicks auto-corrects sorry ass every. single. time.

May I suggest a revision, like perhaps… The Jewish Candle Holiday?

It has a nice ring to it. Plus, I can actually spell every one of those words.

Getting back to etiquette and most importantly, things that piss me off-

When you sneeze and someone responds with “God bless you” you DON’T turn and say “Kiss off, you Jesus-freak-son-of-a-bitch, I’m an atheist!”

You just don’t.

Relax man.

You’re being blessed and shit. Just chill.

How about everyone just chooses whateverinthehell greeting they like best? Because, quite frankly, I don’t know when Kwanza or the Jewish Candle Holiday even are, so this would be much less confusing for me.

Most of the time I go with the generic “Happy Holidays.” It happens to be my personal catch-all default phrase, and NOT because I’m afraid of offending someone with Merry Christmas wishes either. I’m the kind of person who doesn’t lose much sleep worrying about other peoples opinions.

Anyway, the reason I prefer the particular Happy Holidays phrase is because it covers the WHOLE enchilada- Christmas Eve, Christmas, New Years, The Jewish Candle Holiday, Kwanza, as well as my personal spawning season otherwise known as my kids birthdays. (No kidding- Dec 20, 29 Jan 9 & Feb 6)

For me, it’s the only way to go.

Another bone of contention that gets on my last frayed nerve is when some Christians get worked up and indignant that EVERYONE doesn’t use the phrase Merry Christmas.

As a fellow Christian let me just reiterate that we don’t own the month of December.

The Earth is a ginormous place that just so happens to look like a very cool psychedelic marble… that’s made up of a bazillion shades of blue.

If you celebrate Christmas by all means shout MERRY CHRISTMAS from the tallest bar stool. Anyone who doesn’t like it can kiss Santa’s fat Buddhist ass.

I can’t verify that Santa is in fact Buddhist, but I blurted that out because the Buddha statue could totally be his Great Grandfather.

Just saying.

Anyway, feel free to SHOUT OUT your greeting of choice.

In the unlikely event that someone has the audacity to rudely voice their objection, simply remove your Grinch taser gun from it’s mistletoe holster and zap them in the eyeball or sensitive groin area. Your choice.

Let’s face it, there’s a lot of stress and tension during this hectic time of year. Shooting up and tasering people would therefore qualify as a kick ass therapeutic activity.

Win win.

Make my day.

I’ll surely be crucified for this post.

C’est la vie.

Also, wrong holiday.


Important note- Do not scroll down any further without first reading this disclosure.

Disclosure- the following meme content is rude, crude, distasteful, potentially offensive, wrong-on-many-levels and downright hilarious.

All hate mail will be marked… Return to sender.

It is my belief that the almighty higher power has a most excellent sense of humor.

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