SPAM for Dummies

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I’m feeling feisty. Let’s talk about Facebook SPAM.

What’s SPAM?

In addition to the obvious, yummy processed pig in a blue can, SPAM can mess up your computer.

Bad.

If you CLICK on it.

Spammers usually use far out statements, pictures or videos to entice you to CLICK.

Do NOT CLICK.

Just pretend you’re a kid and the spammer is trying to lure you into their dirty sex-bus with a lollypop.

Just. NO.

Catchy phrases spammers have used successfully on Facebook-

“Hahaha! This girls dad caught her and she is so busted!” (Right. I’m sure he has live video coverage of her in Christian Grey’s room of pain… NOT)

“Flesh eating insect eats ladies face, so cooooool!” (Are ya kidding me??!!)

“Hahaha, Extreme Mom, someone posted this very embarrassing video about you!” (In their dreams)

“You lucky duck. You won a free iPad!” (Reject this piece of fb unfriendly junk. *see previous post*)

You get the picture.

Spammers love pictures. Usually boobs, butts or short skirts. Something you’re tempted to (unwrap) CLICK on.

They’re ruthless  muthersuckers who prey on your curiosity.

Also, they can’t spell or punctuate. I’d put them at a second-ish grade level. 

(I love to approximate things. Ish = approximate)

This class, SPAM for dummies is hereby concluded.

Recant – if you CLICK on it, a mean snake with a sledge hammer is gonna jump out and mess up your computer.

Don’t CLICK.

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Facebook Spies

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Everyone knows someone who deliberately keeps a safe distance from Facebook, because they don’t want their family spied on.

You know, that reverse camera that transmits your every move, including random entries from your diary to Facebook TV ? That.

This is a legitimate concern, if you’re running a meth lab in your basement or secretly starring in adult films, in which case you should definitely keep a low profile.

(*as should people with custody issues and certain security clearances. No brainer*)

We’re not talking about THEM.

I’m poking a stick at those law abiding citizens with 2.5 children and a dog, who have an overinflated sense of ego and delusions that as soon as they create a Fb profile, they’re a movie star and the worlds the paparazzi.

Give me a break.

I could personally care less if my ex-boyfriends sister from 8th grade sees a picture of my cat.

It’s Facebook.

Get over thyself.