The Truth About Dogs and Chocolate Toxicity

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Silly dog… Hershey kisses are for mommy’s!

Everyone’s heard at some point that chocolate can be harmful to dogs.

*Quick note to God, Allah or whomever’s in charge of reincarnation – I do NOT, I repeat do NOT want to come back as a dog.

I’d rather live the short happy contented 30 day lifespan of a house fly than live a life without chocolate.

Since dogs and chocolate happen to be high on the short list of things I LOVE more than anything else on the planet, it’s inevitable that the two would eventually butt heads.

Shit happens.

Quite literally, in fact, especially when speaking of mishaps in doggie digestion.

This time the furry love-of-my-life helped himself to a full bag of Lindor chocolate truffles.

The GOOD NEWS- He’s undead and frisky.

Again.

I didn’t take him to the vet though because this isn’t exactly my first (2nd or 3rd…) rodeo, so I’m somewhat of a specialist in misbehaved canines with chocolate cravings and appropriate first aid.

I’m also passing the knowledge on to you because I’m generous AND I’d like to think I got my $160 worth out of the whole vet deal.

Listen up, human parents!

Below are FACTS about DOGS and CHOCOLATE toxicity.

Chocolate contains two substances that are toxic to dogs: theobromine and caffeine, referred to as methylxanthines.

Dogs metabolize these substances much slower than humans.

Both are central nervous system stimulants that can cause a dangerous increase in blood pressure, irregular heart rhythms and even death in our canine companions.

The two most important variables predisposing your dog to toxicity are the SIZE of dog (in weight) and TYPE of chocolate they gorged on.

For example, the milk chocolate found in your run-of-the-mill vending machine candy bars is significantly less concentrated than dark chocolate, semi-sweet chocolate baking chips, baking chocolate (Baker’s) and cocoa powder. In that order.

While it may be possible for a 100 pound Lab to devour an entire box of your kids soccer fundraising bars, throw it up on your new carpet, and go about his business, the same amount of chocolate consumed by a 4 pound Yorkie could very well be it’s last meal.

In 8th grade our big dumb yellow lab-mix ate an entire box of World’s Finest Chocolate bars I was selling for a class trip to New York City. He eventually puked it up and went about his business like nothing happened. My mother was not so quick to get over it. If I remember correctly, he was a very lucky dog to have survived that daredevil stunt. Those were the good ole days – when the mother WHO WASN’T ME was in charge of cleaning up pet accidents.

Concentration of THEOBROMINE and CAFFEINE varies significantly depending on the TYPE of chocolate as stated below –

*Milk chocolate (Hershey bar) 60mg/oz Theobromine and 6mg/oz Caffeine

*Semi-sweet chocolate chips or dark chocolate – approx. 130mg/oz Theobromine and 20mg/oz caffeine

*Bakers chocolate (the bitter stuff used almost exclusively for baking)- 393mg/oz Theobromine and 47mg/oz caffeine

*Dry Cocoa Powder – 737mg/oz Theobromine and 70mg/oz caffeine

Note – the above are approximated values configured using multiple resources.

Signs of chocolate toxicity are vomiting, diarrhea, bloating, restlessness (later signs) tremors and seizures that usually occur 6-12 hours after ingestion, and can be fatal if the chocolate thieving canine ingests approximately 100-150 milligrams of theobromine per kilogram of their body weight.

Again… the SIZE of your dog matters.

Helpful Links and references-

Chocolate Toxicity Calculator for Dogs – can provide you with a rough idea regarding the seriousness of your pooches binge. In the meantime, call your veterinarian immediately.

http://www.askavetquestion.com/chocolate_toxicity.php
Treatment-

http://m.wikihow.com/Treat-a-Dog-Who-Ate-Chocolate

ASPCA Poison 24 Hour Hotline – 888-426-4435

Petmd.com
Vspn.org Veterinary Support Personnel Network

Askavetquestion.com
Pass it on – Information is Power.

The 10 Most Beat-to-death Facebook Statuses

When it comes to posting on social media the key is moderation.

Moder-fuckin-ration.

Got it?

Unfortunately, many people do not.

The guilty parties can be divided into several groups – attention seekers, extremists,
and bored clueless people with nothing better to do. The latter are completely harmless, nonetheless equally painstaking and annoying.

The following examples are polar opposites of moderation. People who cannot seem to control themselves. Post, post, post… It’s all acceleration and no brake with these lunatics.

*People posting every single vacation or holiday photo. Nobody wants their news feed polluted by your double or quadruple images. Weed that shit out. Five photos of the same three people posing in front of a giant condom is too many. This type of thing has been known to cause older PC’s to slow down to a crawl and even stroke the eff out. Your clusterfuck of photos are responsible for the sudden death of fragile elderly computers. It’s a wonder these people can sleep at night.

*Ladies constantly posting selfies or commenting on 5 year old photos of themselves to ensure said photo will reappear in their friends news feed. Here’s my face. Here’s my face. Here’s my face… youuuuuu hooo – here’s my face AGAIN in case you missed it!! These high maintenance girls are notorious for squeezing themselves into every single frame whether it’s a graduation, dance recital, sporting event or someone else’s birthday or retirement. It’s all about them. They need a Facebook thumbs up several times a day, like the rest of us need oxygen.

*Cartoons and memes. Originality is dead. Cartoons lose their funny when they’re thrown in your face over and over and over again. The ability to copy & paste does not make one an upcoming Improv star or a wild and crazy guy. Gone forever are the days when reading the Sunday comics were special. May the nostalgic funnies RIP.

*Extremist Kool aid drinking nut-cases who habitually post their intense over-the-top views on politics, special causes, sports etc. It’s safe to say many of these extremists have lost their objectivity. Math and science are examples of the few things on Earth that bear clear definitive answers. The world is more like a bazillion shades of grey. Extremist is often be synonymous with nut job.

*Achievement ho’s – the adult learner who’s taking a class and painfully posts every single one of their test grades or the star employee who uses facebook as their public resume of awesomeness. Newsflash – a certificate or promotion will not repair the obvious gaping hole in your self esteem. These are the exact same people who share results from bogus Facebook quizzes boasting their supposed incredibly super high IQ or suggested career-path – which is almost always something over-the-top spectacular like astrophysicist or neurosurgeon.

Psst… don’t believe everything you read on the Internet.

*The distributor of sensationalized bullshit– What this lady does next will totally surprise you! This mans reaction is amazing!! What this guy did will blow you away!! Blah blah blah. Teasers like this give me a strong urge to stab a kitten or dig the authors eyeballs right out of the sockets with a spork.

*Everyone is my BFF posts. The most popular definition of BEST – that which is the most excellent, outstanding or desirable; the singular blue ribbon or gold medal. When a person has 25 BFF’s not only do they lose their credibility, they qualify as a friend whore; a person who has a different BFF to meet every need. Drinking BFF, fitness BFF, work BFF, Facebook BFF, etc. Over-designating the BFF title is right up there with male-animals-in-heat overusing the I love you phrase to get laid. Sleazy. Bottom line- Don’t say things you don’t mean.

*Overly cryptic always a secret agent – this person habitually checks into Facebook from the emergency room, surgery center, police station, court room or church soliciting prayers. They also want you to keep your fingers crossed for them because something big is about to go down. My personal advisement to these wannabe movie star ninjas is this – it’s either secret or it’s not.

*The constant complainer – whether it’s their health, poor service at a restaurant, slow driver on Rte. 9 or anonymous open letter to the mom whose children were unruly in Denny’s – these people project a constant stream of negativity. When you notice their name pop up in your newsfeed you envision wavy toxic green and yellow fumes surrounding their post. This is the person you must HIDE or unfollow. Nobody will be the wiser.

*Repost in 5 minutes if you love Jesus or want to discover a pot of gold coins on your doorstep. No. Just no. It could also read- “repost in 5 min or your kids and dog will blow up” and I still wouldn’t repost. I call this… living on the edge ladies and gentlemen.

Ahhhh…. What an Awesome Bra!!!

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Finally…. The Extreme Mom Ahhh Bra review!!!

 

A big thank you to those responsible for enlightening my life by introducing me to this must-have life-changing undergarment.

It’s a win… a slam dunk, a grand slam, and a hole in one. It’s just plain awesome-sauce covered in chocolate sprinkles!

I rated this undergarment in two important categories – comfort first and appearance last.

A girls got to stand firm in her priorities.

For comfort, I gave this bra 500% (out of 100) which according to the new common core math makes perfect sense. It’s soft and shaped like a pre-teen training bra, and feels like a boys half t-shirt with wide straps and most importantly, no wires that dig into your bones.

It’s so comfortable you can sleep in it.

I speak the truth.

The Nobel Peace Prize goes to.. ??

Comfortable happy women is the definitely the first step to creating World Peace.

It’s a start anyway.

Appearance – Excellent boob coverage, although it’s definitely not the over-priced Wonder Bra or the Miraculous Bra by Victorias Secret that makes my B sized breasts appear boudaciously awesome. No free enhancements here, ladies. This is all about the Ahhhhhhhh…. the comfort level, which by the way happens to kick. ass!

Does it keep your boobs contained? Yes.

Does it conceal pointy nipples? Yes, indeed.

In fact, it keeps them neatly tucked away in a very gender-neutral kind of way…

*The flatsy patsy.

*The steam roller special.

The perfect gift for grandma, mom and teenaged girls. In fact, Farrah should’ve worn one under that red bathing suit back in the 70’s to prevent obvious eruption. Although, that would’ve been a definite buzz kill to sales.

In conclusion, the Ahhh Bra may not be the right bra for your Facebook profile picture, a night on the town, or for evading traffic tickets.

But, it’s all gooooooooood!

I’m practically half way to 100 and blissfully married for close to a quarter of a century, so perky boobs at the cost of comfort isn”t on my top 10 list of priorities.

The Ahhh Bra is a definite WIN for Team Estrogen.

Extreme Mom gives the Ahhh Bra an erect TWO titties up!

 

1000 Bloggers Writing About Compassion – #1000Speak

On February 20, 2015 One Thousand Voices will be simultaneously blogging for compassion – in an effort called #1000Speak.

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I’m very excited and proud to be participating in this virtuous effort.

While Extreme Mom is for the most part a humor based forum, I often use my voice to advocate in the areas of mental illness and special needs: Two variables that have influenced my life profoundly and have prompted me to view life with an open mind, in what I often refer to as Fifty Bazillion Shades of Grey.

Herein lies the serious, truthful root to my madness which incidentally keeps me focused and driven.

So no, I’m not giving up chocolate or Facebook for lent – I’m doing THIS.

The intent is to flood the Internet with positive energy through inspirational stories. ❤️

My favorite compassionate links and heart-felt postings from the Extreme Mom archives.

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Compassion and Depression-
http://extrememom.net/2014/08/13/the-nature-of-depression-my-uniquely-honest-first-hand-perspective/

Compassion and Special Needs –
http://extrememom.net/2013/11/08/marching-to-the-beat-of-a-different-drummer/

http://extrememom.net/2013/07/07/attack-of-the-clothing-tags-sensory-integration-dysfunction/

Compassion and Body Image/Teens-
http://extrememom.net/2014/08/01/i-met-a-girl-with-anorexia-and-she-stole-my-heart/

Compassion and Diversity –
http://extrememom.net/2014/08/14/people-are-like-snowflakes-no-two-are-exactly-alike-dont-be-judgy/

http://extrememom.net/2013/11/27/maria-kang-part-2-oh-no-she-didnt/

 

50 Shades of Too Much Information?

Propaganda for 50 Shades of Grey is everywhere. Not only are snippets flashing across the flat screens in our private living rooms, they’re popping up on covers of magazines at the doctors office, and on the radio as we drive our kids to school. The hype is practically inescapable.

The underlying message is sex and like it or not, this message has been let loose in society, where it’s being absorbed by incidental osmosis… most notably by the next generation.

I’m certainly not insinuating that sex is taboo and that we should not talk about it. Nor am I implying that the majority of young people understand or are even privy to the explicit details and inner workings of 50 Shades or the S & M culture, but I am, however, confident that the related hype supports the general message that – sex is all the rage… and kinky sex is even better.

It bothers me that it’s gone mainstream and its presence is inescapable.

Ready or not…

The $64,000 question is – will the naughty hype created by 50 Shades of Grey tempt young people to enter the sexual arena before they’re ready?

I respect the fact that S & M is a perfectly acceptable form of entertainment for adults. I get it – masses of hormonally overloaded mommies are embracing it as a new refreshing means of sexual escape.

This is absolutely not about anyones personal lifestyle. Quite frankly, I could care less if people choose to light themselves on fire and fornicate on a bed of rusty corkscrews.

The simple fact is – Children do not live in protective G rated bubbles.

The problem begins when adults have CONVERSATIONS in public places, and they do. Even if we’re careful with our spoken words, our tone of voice and body language emit strong messages. Children only need be present to absorb the message expressed by their friends moms and other grown-ups.

50 shades of sexual hype is spreading faster than a drop of food coloring in a glass of water.

Chill out Mama Bear, this is not about your parenting skills.

God only knows what Carol Brady did behind closed doors. For all we know she hung by her pasties from a trapeze when Mike shut the light out. Ones sexual escapades has nil to do with their parenting skills.

Nobody is insinuating that you are promoting 50 Shades openly or that you’d allow your child to read the book or watch the movie.

And lastly, nobody is condemning or judging the S & M lifestyle as a whole.

It seems to be the general consensus of most parents, that since they’ve had conversations with their children about sex, they’re reasonably confident that they’ll make the right decisions when the time comes.

This may be true.

Let’s at least admit that it can get pretty confusing when it’s obvious that mommy is head over heels over Mr. Grey.

Actions speak louder than words.

Parental guidance is without a doubt the best protection. However, just like discussions on underage drinking, smoking and drugs, the outcome can more-often-than-not be a crap shoot.

No technique is flawless, so I wouldn’t be so fast to boast that your stellar parenting skills are armour enough to protect your children from making bad choices. Keep an open mind.

Dangle a sweet sexual Snicker bar in front of a child, reiterate that it’s not appropriate for them and what’s likely to happen?

They may or may not.

Jury’s out.

I’m not assigning blame to 50 Shades enthusiasts.

I’m merely speculating that when a society chooses to loosely toss around a concept like 50 Sexual Shades of Naughtiness, we’re destined to be faced with a generation that’s somewhat desensitized to sex. Not to mention, the fact that we’re inadvertently giving the thumbs up to engage in a new level of sexual exploration.

Some children are getting an earful before they’re ready, simply because 50 Shades is a thing. It’s out there.

Will this newest bundle of readily-available sexual information cause us as a whole to carelessly put the cart (50 Shades of fun) before the horse (fundamental sex education)?

This may certainly not be true for all children, but the possibility is real, and these poorly guided youth share space in the same society.

It’s not so much the effect this will have on my own children that concerns me, as it is the breakdown of yet another societal value.

How can we as parents begin to encourage abstinence, safe sex, and the fundamentals of a healthy relationships when our kids heads are being filled with propaganda that kinky sex games are all the rage?

It’s tough to compete with societal pressure.

To add assault to injury, young girls tend to be highly volatile emotional beings: heartbroken train wrecks in waiting.

Do we really want to go there?

Take a moment to ponder the potential emotional wrath associated with this new level of submissiveness and vulnerability.

Do I fault the author or film producers for creating 50 Shades? No.

I absolutely respect the fact that some people are awesome parents and it’s possible that 50 Shades of Hoopla will not effect their children.

It cannot be dismissed, however, that the seed of submissiveness and codependency, not to mention a new realm of intermediate sexual exploration has been planted in mainstream society.

Attitudes are infectious.

Peer pressure is powerful.

Are we encouraging a new progressive atmosphere in society where sex is no big deal?

When women raise eyebrows and chat nonchalantly about this latest fad on the sidelines of their kids soccer games, they are absolutely fueling the embers for the next sexual revolution.

It’s an attitude and it’s conspicuous.

It definitely leaves this mom unsettled.

On the flip side, it also paves way for necessary conversation.

I don’t pretend to have the answers to this particular dilemma. What I do know is that our society is becoming more and more complacent about sex in general and that’s something to think about.

The question is – what role do you play in all this?

Food for thought.

A Mommy Bloggers Letter to her Children regarding 50 Shades
http://www.bonbonbreak.com/letter-children-fifty-shades-grey/?fb_comment_id=fbc_785013424910328_785164861561851_785164861561851

A message to parents from a child psychologist
http://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/parent-survival-guide-to-fifty-shades-of-grey-how-to-talk-to-your-child-about-sadomasochism/

A message to young people from a child psychologist
http://www.miriamgrossmanmd.com/an-open-letter-to-young-people-about-fifty-shades-of-grey/

50 Quotes from 50 Shades… YOU decide
http://www.upworthy.com/6-real-quotes-from-fifty-shades-that-could-make-you-rethink-how-you-feel-about-it

 

Favorite Facebook Valentine’s Posts 2015

My friends tickled my funny bone yesterday with their Valentine’s posts, so I felt compelled to share the LAUGHTER with you by posting my favorites.

And the winners are...

Valentine’s Day reminder to hubby.

His reply – “Nothing says I love you like firearms.”

 

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 “Nothing says erotica like the Gettysburg Address scene.”

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Nuts about each other… ❤️

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Future cat lady?? 

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Pizza

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My friend Paul once sent me a Special Edition Peanut butter Kit Kat from the UK… I have a special place in my left ventricle for him. Pitter Padder… 

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I’m not sure what to do first – lick the melted chocolate or take a flaming shot.

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He’s single, ladies… 😉

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He loves her SO MUCH he let her be in his selfie!! True love. ❤️

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My friend Tom’s better half!

 

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I believe this is that pesky new common core math.

 

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I think I love you!!  

 

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PS – You guys are the BEST!!! 

XOXO

10 Situations – Where It’s Acceptable to Send your Honey Ooey-Gooey Valentine’s Wishes on Facebook

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*You’ve fallen and you can’t get up

*He or she is greater than 50 miles away

*You’re being held captive by Bigfoots in the Rocky Mountains where they just so happen to have a kick-ass wifi signal

*You’re suspicious that they’re engaging in extracurriculars and you need to urinate on the Internet to mark your territory

*A stealth bomber crashed through your living room and the love of your life is on the other side of the wreckage

*You’ve been deployed to Mars

*Every time you post on Facebook a Kit Kat bar and a $100 bill pops out of your laptop

*You have a comfy spot in front of the fireplace and you don’t feel like walking ALL the way down to the man cave.

*Christian Grey has you tethered to a telephone pole and you’re starting to feel guilty… or you’re freezing and you need him to bring you a jacket

*You’re a hopeless romantic who loves their partner and is compelled to SHOUT it from the rooftops (or in stores)… so you don’t puke unicorn glitter on yourself

“I’m singing… I’m in a store and I’m siiiiiiiiiiinging!!!!!

 

❤️ Many of my friends are in fact engaging in this bizarre ritual and for the record, I love those people dearly, but nonetheless they’re all DORKASAURUSES. ❤️