The Mouth is Connected to the… WHAT??



Remember, the amount of sex you’re NOT getting is directly proportional to the dumb shit that comes out of your mouth.

Cue- Intro music from Get Smart


You know that long tunnel Max marches through where doors slam periodically?

THAT’S your woman’s vagina.

Every time you say something stupid, insensitive or rude a door slams.


Keep talking…


Stop while your ahead…


Accusatory tone of voice…


Hostile body language…


Five doors. You’re sleeping in the phone booth dude, which is actually your couch. And thank you for ducking down, because God knows we DON’T want to see what you’re doing in there.

That’s a lot of doors you’re going to have to pry open.

It could be an hour (doubtful), a day, a week or possibly a month until you’re allowed back in.

You’re probably gonna have to try like a gazillion different keys to gain re-entry.

There is absolutely no rhyme or reason to this intricate code. What worked last time may not necessarily get you back in THIS time. The puzzle gets more difficult each time you are dumb enough to re-enter the infamous hall of slamming doors.

Good luck with that.


So gentlemen, next time your mouth attempts to betray you, you may want to pause a minute and…


Note- female sexual organ door slamming is not exclusively activated by dumb shit men SAY. It most certainly also includes dumb shit men DO, which is a completely different post.

“I missed it by THAT much.” ~ Maxwell Smart

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