Too sexy for my…

Just pretend my dog’s paw is actually Vanna White’s pointer arm and we’re playing…

How many things are WRONG with these underwear that I found in my drawer and don’t recognize?

They’re boy cut and probably belong to one of my kids friends.


You never know what’s going to show up in the wash.

Firstly, and most excruciating is the ATOMIC WEDGIE.

Thanks, I’ll pass.

And, no way in hell will I wear a thong. Ever.

You probably knew that.

If you want to be sexy, just cut through the BS and get naked.

Secondly, they’re cut so LOW, they accentuate your muffin top, which I like to refer to as a cupcake with extra fluffy frosting and sprinkles.

This only looks good on Santa Clause and the late John Candy.

Thirdly, the seam goes right down the super-sensitive middle.

The word NO rhythms with TOE, as in the desert animal with a hump.

Not attractive or comfortable.

Fourthly, the tag says Daisy Fuentes. I despise her from the days she hosted AFV (America’s Funniest Video’s – a FAMILY show) wearing stripper, pole-dancing, unfamily-friendly fashions. Also, she’s dumber than my dog (who’s dumber than a goldfish) and NOT remotely funny.

On a closing note- yes sire, that is indeed my olive green tile bathroom floor. I have a tub to match. Be very very jealous.

If I ever find a 70’s rotary phone or refrigerator in that color, I know exactly where I’m going to put it.

Let it be said, that the COMFORT of one’s underwear can make or break a person’s day, so chose wisely.

I call them underwear and not panties, because I’m way sexy like that.

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One thought on “Too sexy for my…

  1. Uh yeah….I don’t want to “frighten” you, but when my youngest moved out of the house and I was “cleaning” and “packing” his room, I found all sorts of interesting lingerie in the size of his ex-gf….just saying…..


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