Being Pecked to Death by a Teenaged Duck

This is exactly what it sounds like to be pecked to death by a beak-less duck or a moody 13 year old with PMS…
Entire length of conversation- 4 minutes.
I kid you NOT.
“I’m starving. Will you make homemade mac & cheese, NOT the Kraft kind? Never mind, I just want Alfredo sauce. Do we have Alfredo sauce? Forget it. I found this tortellini stuff.”
[I walk to kitchen and put water on stove with her on… my heels]
“Also, I need to go to the craft store for cork board. I didn’t have enough and now I can’t hang up my collage. I told you it wasn’t gonna be enough when we were in the store… I tooooold you so.” * Huff*  “Plus, my colored pencils stink because soandso ruined them like she ruins ALL of my stuff, so I now need new ones and the good Prismacolor one’s are $12, so when can we go?”
[I’m walking into my OTHER daughters room in search of free replacement colored pencils that don’t suck]
Her [trailing behind me]- Oh! My! God! I just stepped in dog pee! I can’t believe you don’t even do anything when the dog pees in the house. It’s like you don’t even care!!
Note- Yes, I do to care. I yell at him and throw his cute little butt out on the porch.
What are her exact recommendations? Life in the crate without parole, execution by firing squad, the doggie guillotine?
I love that dumb little dog who just turned two and is still only approximately 75% ish potty trained.
I think my boys were something like FOUR when they finally got it, and that’s something like 28 years old in DOG years. Coincidently, the same age of my husband when we got married… never mind.
This guys waaaay ahead of his time.
Just leave him alone.
Also, he didn’t just tinkle on the carpet. He lifted his leg to a CLEAN basket of laundry and FIRED, so YES I do care.
I assure you, I’m not doing the happy cha-cha.

I’m being pecked to death by a beak-less duck or a teenager.

untitledduck pic

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One thought on “Being Pecked to Death by a Teenaged Duck

  1. That is amazing. I remember my own cousin would be bitching that her mom wouldnt fix her a snack when she got home from school. I mentioned to this that the snacks she would be asking for were things like; A baked potatoe, spegehtti and meet balls, or a giant plate of fries. at 2pm every day.

    Your story painted an amazing visual of trudging through a wilderness of kids stepping in dog piss and looking for “the SPECIAL pencils”

    I am kidding we had a cat. That little bastard left his calling card everywhere. One time as I was getting ready for work, that cat walked in front of me as I was frantically trying to not be late. He took a shit on the floor in the den as if I were getting dressed in his litter box.

    I finished putting on my shoes and stood up. He ran across the room so i could not get to him. The only thing I had time to do before i left was to look at him with a mean face and shout at the top of my lungs “F YOU COMET!!!!!”

    I couldn’t believe what waited for me when i dot home.


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