Bus-misser Sucker-upper

Today marks the milestone LAST day of school.
Hip Hip Horray!
This mom has had it up to HERE with bus missing shenanigans.
I’m pointing to the tippy TOP of the Toys R Us giraffes head,Β  because I’m only 5′ 2″ or technically 5′ 1 +3/4″.
Whatever.
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Geoffrey’s the giraffes name and he’s way taller than me, so he’s the perfect example of waaaay fed up.
Incidentally, I know two other very tall Jeffrey’s, spelled with a J, but I couldn’t use them for an example, because YOU don’t know my cousin or my friends son. Mostly on account of they’re not famous… yet.
Maybe next time.
Anyway, I’m sick of sending late notes in with my kid, so I’ve decided to make up creative new excuses for next year.
Why?
To make it FUN for us.
Reasons Diva #13 Missed the Bus… Again
*She was brushing her teeth extra long because she aspires to have the shiniest teeth in the whole school. (I actually used this one before in real life. Different kid. Swear-to-God)
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*She was having a really good Josh Hutcherson dream. (good thing she has minty fresh breath *wink*)
*Hair strand #265 was out of place. (mostly TRUE but not limited to strand #265)
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*She fell through the rabbit hole with Alice in Wonderland and was dragged off to rehab with the psychedelic caterpillar. (Alice is a crack ho. Bad friend choice)
*She got into a heated political debate with Snap, Crackle and Pop.
*A wild herd of My Little Ponies glued her into her bed with horse-friendly glue that wasn’t made out of My Little Ponies.
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*Her mom is incredibly meek and soft spoken, so she didn’t hear her yell 400 times.
*Temporary amnesia overcame her and she thought she was the Queen… Again. (this could actually be a flashback caused by Alice’s candy. Do not take candy from Alice. She’s trouble with a capital T)
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*She was attempting to reenact Ferris Bueller’s day off and got caught before the Day OFF part. (Praise God)
*The school bus that’s actually the Mystery Machine broke down because Shaggy and Scooby stuck a sandwich in the tail pipe.
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*Her mom was zoning out on the inter-webs and should’ve been standing by her bed with Indiana Jones whip in hand. (partially true)
Don’t make me go there.
What the school bus REALLY needs is a big vacuum hose that fits through the window and sucks the kid out of bed. Bad hair and all.
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POOF… they’re gone.
Problem solved.

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