Dumb Shit my Son Says… When I’m Teaching Him to Drive

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Dumb Shit my Son Says… When I’m teaching him to drive.

 

“Stop being a backseat driver.”
Umm.. wait.

 

It’s clearly spelled out in the responsible LICENSED adult manual.

 

Nag, nag and nag some more- from the FRONT seat where you’re within striking distance of the minion student.

 

And, don’t forget your jumbo fly swatter. (Dollar Tree $1)

 

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“I did too look.” (did not)

 

“Speed bumps are dumb.”

 

Yeah, maybe if you’re trying to thread a needle or balance a cauldron of meatballs on your head while driving??!!

 

“I knew I could make it.”

 

Knew= making ASSumptions and making ASSumptions= dead.

 

If you die I will kick your ass.

 

Yes, I will.

 

I’ll jump right through the portal to the spirit world and kick your ghostly ass.

 

Be very afraid.

 

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Mom’s are allowed EVERYWHERE including but not limited to the men’s room, locker room, school bus and afterlife.

 

“I’m only going the speed limit.”

 

There are times you should NOT go the speed limit, like say there’s three-legged kitten parade or senior citizen wheelchair race, a baby highway crawl-a-thon or just maybe THAT chicken is trying to cross the road.

 

WHY? Nobody actually cares why.

 

Get over that shit. Chickens are dumb. (and tasty)

 

That reference has outstayed it’s welcome, so please if you see that chicken crossing the road… run it down for Gods sake and end this charade once and for all.

 

Unless, of course, you’re an arrogant 16 year old with a learners permit.

 

Then your copilot mom gets to do it, as this will release some of her pent up tension and potentially save your life.

 

Win. Win.

 

We’re having chicken for dinner… again??

 

Let’s make something perfectly clear.

 

If you have a LEARNING permit to drive, assume you do NOT have the right of way.

 

Ever.

 

You’re a highway minion.

 

Strike that.

 

You’re a flea on a highway minions butt.

 

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Behave yourself.

 

You’re a danger to yourself and others.

 

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Plus, you frighten the rest of us.

 

Class dismissed.

 

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4 thoughts on “Dumb Shit my Son Says… When I’m Teaching Him to Drive

  1. Pingback: Extreme Driving Adventures- Testosterone Behind the Wheel | Extreme Mom

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  3. Pingback: Friday Favorites | MANagING maNIA

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