Cell Phone Diarrhea

WHEN it’s ACCEPTABLE to gab away on your cell phone in public.

Pretty much never.

Okaaaay, maybe emergencies like…

*”Mom, you forgot me at soccer field again and I’m surrounded by rabid cheetahs.”

*Grocery store- “Honey do you want regular pads or the long absorbent ones with stealth bomber wings?”

*”How bout the Hershey bar… bite size or the pounder?” (Dumb and dangerous question, but you get the point.)

*”Mom, Aunt Crazy’s here. Don’t come home yet.” (Thank you, God. Close one.)

*”Kenny lit the babysitter’s hair on fire again!”


WHY it’s RUDE to have mouth diarrhea in a public place…

*That means gab on your iToilet  cell phone.*

I (and probably 99.9% of the population) don’t give a rats ass about your cousin Bambi’s new glow-in-the-dark breast implants, Pat winning the jackpot at Lesbian BINGO Night, or that Two-timing Mitch’s girlfriend gave birth to a three-headed albino dragon.

I. Don’t. Care.

Nobody cares.

That stuff hurts my brain and makes it want to catapult right outta my skull onto a hot frying pan.

If you must gab in public, be courteous enough to put a garbage can on your head.

Also, if the public can easily hear your conversation, it’s their right to engage in said public conversation at any given time.

This seems reasonable.

The following has been an Extreme Mom public service message.


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8 thoughts on “Cell Phone Diarrhea

    • Quite frankly, I think all cell phones should come with one go these fashionable privacy helmets. Especially older people…. WHAT FRANK???!!! SPEAK UP!!!!!


  1. Awesome… My favorite is business guy on a plane that thinks he’s gotta get that overly loud last bit of generic business speak in before “the man” makes him shut down for takeoff…
    These are the same d-bags that are texting and driving…


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