Let me get this RIGHT.
Jesus rises from the dead to save all mankind from eternal damnation = which EQUALS = a celebration of bunnies, baby chickens, colored eggs, chocolaty treats and an addition to the vegetable group called jelly beans.
I’m pretty sure this is one of those new common core word problems that involves logic and reasoning.
Here’s my fully researched edition to clear up any confusion.
And so, boys and girls…
The 6 foot bunny gave the giant boulder one swift kung-fu kick, and freed Jesus from the tomb.
The duo was so elated, the rabbit went on to lay colorful eggs in their wake.
But, the eggs soon became rancid and stinky in the hot sweltering sun.
So, in later years, the rabbit evolved to lay jellybeans and
gross sugary Peeps instead.
*Chocolatey sweets (my favorite) were reserved for those far away lands plagued by frigid spring weather. (to preserve freshness)
And so it was…
Hippity hoppity… Easter’s on it’s waaaaaaay!!
*Editors note- the author of this enlightening passage is a practicing Roman Catholic and happens to be like this with the BIG guy.
Actual (fabricated) message from God- “I have no idea how this was left out of the bible. Apologies.” (probably, they were drinking wine like water or something like that. <—My divine theory )