Esmeralda’s Underwear

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Underwear Dilemma

I guess I’m lucky that my retired mother pops in like Esmeralda from Bewitched and does my laundry from time to time.

Great.

Except, all of my undies are MIA. I’m guessing, she’s mistaking them for my daughters. (In which case, this BITCH post just turned into a BRAG post)

Anywaaaay, I’ve been forced to resort to my lesser used garments from the very back of the drawer.

The unthinkables.

Yesterday, it was the red lace scratchy ones with hearts and the day before, the skimpy black numbers that crawl up youknowwhere.

Today… the grande finale <– means its the FINAL day because I’m definitely stopping at Walmart for a 7 pk of 100% cotton Days of the Week undies. Love those.

TODAY’S torture is…

I’m not happy.

Wait for it.

Spanx.

Fucking ouch.

I mean FUCKING OUCH in CAPS.

If you find me passed out today, kindly instruct the EMS crew to cut off my underwear, because I’m pretty sure it’s got my lungs in a bear hug.

{spanx; supportive tightashell undergarments worn to conceal fat, so one can temporarily squeeze into something that clearly doesn’t fit. 2.Dumb fashion choice.

3.Modern day girdle.}

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