How to Avoid Drama for Dummies and Wannabe Queens

In other words- How to mind your own beeswax and not reap unnecessary emotional havoc every. single. damned. place. you. go… like the freaking Angel of Bullshit.

There’s the Angel of Mercy, the Angel of Healing and the Angel of Death… so why not the Angel of Bullshit?

After all, bullshit is incredibly abundant, it’s everywhere and it’s uber-exhausting.

As you already know, I’m not a fan of bullshit.

To keep this post slightly shorter than say the fourth edition of War and Peace, we’ll only be discussing social drama, the type of social fuckery involving more than one person victim in a circle, whether it’s friends, family or business.

Social drama is distinctly different than solo drama because it attempts to suck you into it’s spinning vortex much like a revved up Daddy Dyson on steroids.

Solo drama is more like when your premenstrual estrogen spewing 14 year old can’t find her poofy red scarf that compliments her Rosemary’s Babys charm bracelet, hair #307 is out of place and IT’S ALL YOUR FAULT, so she screams bloody murder and misses the bus.

Entirely different animal.

In a nutshell, solo drama is often just a case of raging hormones that causes temporary psychosis in young ladies.

If you’re a parent, you’re also a professional ignorer of unnecessary noises coming from your offspring.

No biggie.

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Let me be über specific here and get this derailed drama train back on track.

How to Avoid Social Drama for Dummies- so that you don’t become a trollish hen that people avoid like the plague or a pesky groups of Jehovah’s witnesses on a sunny Saturday morning.

#1- If your friend is venting about her spouse, significant other, boss, family or another friend, your job is to LISTEN with your ears and not regurgitate unconfirmed bullshit or venom.

Stay out of it. This drama tango is between two people who are not you.

Your mouth is only advised to engage, when being supportive and/or objective. Be careful of what you say.

The following examples are ACCEPTABLE responses which demonstrate supportive and/or objective interaction that does not add fuel to the Drama Queens furnace.

Scenario-

[ Drama Queen- blah blah blah blah blah..... !!!!! ]

You- “That totally sucks rotten velociraptor eggs, sorry.”

You- “Bummer. Why don’t we watch Thelma & Louise and order double cheese pizza.”

You- “Let’s go to the mall and buy shit we don’t need!”

You- “I feel your pain which is precisely why my bff is a dog.”

You- “I’m here for ya, man. Let’s go down a jug of Red Cat and fagetaboutit!”

You- “Here, have a super-size Godiva chocolate bar from the extreme emergency vault.”

You- “When I’m pissed I clean. It’s excellent therapy because… shit gets done!”

You- “I have extra xanax, should I make them into cookies or a cake? You pick.”

UNACCEPTABLE examples and sure-fire techniques to ensue that drama erupts much like the angry honey bees in the famous Winnie the Pooh scene

You- “I’m texting Alvin right now to find out if he’s privy to the details of Simon and Theodore’s peanut smuggling operation that we didn’t get a cut in.”

You- “Well, Jenny Piccolo saw him making eyes at Potsies step-sister at Arnold’s.”

You- “I never liked your asshole mom, sister, boyfriend anyway.” <– This one will blow up in your face every. single. time. when the parties reconcile.

How can anyone be this level of dumb?

You- “Let’s shoot her kids cat and leave it in a pot on the stove like in Fatal Attraction.”

Just no.

Poor kitty has enough problems.

Plus, no picking on animals ever.

What is wrong with you people anyway?

You- “Do you want me to call Chatty Chelsea’s cousin, Know-it-all Nicole and try to extract information?”

You-”My mom works with her Uncle Max at Mission Control and there was this one time he heard the mailbox say this…”

You- “Bring it. This girl’s got PMS. I need to cut a bitch”

These are all examples of FUELING the drama.

Just super-glue your ass to the bleachers and be a spectator for fucks sake.

Also, zip your lips if you’re a person who happens to naturally breathe fire… or unnecessary bullshit.

The world certainly doesn’t need this kind of vindictive chaos. Our planet is already fucked up enough.

*If you are guilty of being a generous provider of drama fuel, you’re undoubtedly a Drama Queen yourself and should promptly cut that shit out, because quite frankly, it hurts my brain and messes up the delicate balance of positive energy flowing throughout the universe.

Think about it. The other person is already in turmoil. Do you really think adding gasoline to the burning wreckage is going to be productive?

Fuck no.

Your friend needs balanced objective support, that’s not in the form of bashing, belittling or manipulating.

Lead by example. Be wise, calm and logical.

In the event that the particular situation is causing you or your friend undo anxiety, consider taking up kung fu, sword fighting or kickboxing.

I’d bet 30 minutes of any of those activities would burn off like an entire fun-sized Snickers bar. Plus, you’d get rid of toxic pent up energy.

However, if you continually chose to be the Oreo filling in the middle of others conflicts (that has absolutely nothing to do with you personally) then just maybe… you live for that shit.

You may not even know it, yet THERE it is.

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Behavior patterns are conclusive.

The person smack dab in the eye of every. single. conflict tornado is obviously the fixed instigator-monkey-in-the-middle and absolutely the common denominator… who’s not necessarily an unfortunate victim of circumstances.

Drama is everywhere.

Everyone is faced with it in some shape or form on any given, if not every single day.

You alone make the decision to either A. deflect it or B. nurture it.

Deflecting can best be exercised by both responding in a calm appropriate manner, and keeping it short and simple.

Responding immediately and passionately to each and every rant, whether be by text, fb message or voice mail, not only condones the wannabe royals behavior, but also validates it as justified and appropriate.

Let the inferno die down before someone gets burned.

Think.

Then respond.

If other peoples names continually edge their way into your conversations… you just may be a Drama Queen, the Angel of Bullshit and an absolute pain in societies ass.

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Be mindful of your actions.

Chill.

Think with your brain instead of responding to your emotions.

Don’t be a busy-body troll who’s hair stands up, much like Pinocchio’s nose- every single time they fabricate or exaggerate the truth.

Nobody wants to play with those badass colorful degenerates.

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Now, lets all join hands and take a deep cleansing breath.

The end.

Let the dramatic hate mail roll…

 

 

 

 

 

YOUR Easy Guide to YOUR and YOU’RE

Easy grammar – How to use YOU’RE and YOUR.

I’m absolutely not poking or pointing a fun finger at anyone, because I happen to know a lot of people could benefit from this very fun catchy lesson.

Plus, let’s face it, there are a lot of suckish teachers out there. When I was in elementary school I think the median age for a teacher was something like 102, so here’s your second chance to learn this shit for good.

If you happen to be fluent in Your-You’re already, this would be an opportune time to share this educational gem with your Facebook friends.

Ready?

YOU’RE means YOU ARE. The apostrophe replaces the A.

Example- YOU’RE (you are) a dumbass.

*I’m totally not talking to you because that would be rude,

YOU’RE (you are) never going to pass that test.

* Ditto. Rude. It’s merely an example.

YOUR – means possession. As in it belongs to you.

*Again. Rude. Not referring to your dumbassery.

Example- YOUR grades will be reflected on YOUR awesome report card.

Is that YOUR degree in English on YOUR wall?

Now get out there and use your newfound knowledge.

YOU’RE (you are) gonna knock ‘em dead.

YOU’RE (you are) oh so very welcome.

PS- this is totally going on my LinkedIn profile under publications.

Hells yeah.

This is your diploma.

YOUR very own certificate of achievement because YOU’RE (you are) amazing!

Note- This post was a learning adventure intended in good fun.

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Thank you for continuing to follow this blog.  Life’s been 50 shades of bat shit crazy these days, so my posts have been kind of erratic.  I plan to be re-boarding the regular crazy train again very soon.

If you like what you just read please click to send a quick vote for me on Top Mommy Blogs- The best mommy blog directory featuring top mom bloggers

POLICY- Facebook Share 4 Share Requests

Facebook Share4share Policy

I get a LOT of share requests.

Here’s my default response to other Facebook pages requesting to have their page shared on Extreme Mom.

My answer is-

I do share, but very discriminately.

Meaning, I only share or promote pages with content in sync with my own.

Why? The same reason the Hallmark channel doesn’t televise the Super Bowl or the Sportscasters on ESPN don’t don frilly aprons and demonstrate how to whip up tasty red velvet cupcakes with buttercream frosting.

It’s like mixing apples and oranges.

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I prefer to keep promotional content limited, as I assume most people don’t appreciate unsolicited advertisements.

You’re welcome.

Here’s a short list of things that you’ll NEVER see on EM. Aka- stuff that drives me bananas and I won’t promote.

No offense- I’m not necessarily poking fun. I’m simply giving examples. Also, I’m not against throwing these pages a complimentary LIKE- I’m just not going to promote them.

Run-of-the-mill (*yawn*) Mommy Roundtable Discussions

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“I have ONE baby who just got his first tooth. Been teething for 156.3 hours. Hubby and I were up ALL night and we’re so totally exhausted. We are super hero parents… Da-daaaa!!”

“Toby started using the potty today and he’s only 19 months and 5 days! <<Clap clap>> He’s so advanced for his age. Trying to get him into Harvard’s pre-K program.”

“We’re doing a space themed birthday party for Noah and got Nasa to rent us a real live space shuttle for only $6 bazillion dollars. Wait until the play group sees THIS!”

“Fans- What was your favorite birthday theme party?” Signed, Mandy ~ The Uber Bubbly Mommy Page Administrator

No offense, but join the gazillion other parents who have and will continue to walk this exact. same. path. every. single. day.

Blah.

This type of forum is excellent support for new Mommy’s and I respect that, but it’s not at all in sync with the uniqueness of EM.

Furthermore, the use of the word FANS and administrators makes me want to barf up even my most favorite double chocolate peanut butter dessert.

Seriously. People with Facebook pages- you’re just a REGULAR noncelebrity folk sitting on your slipcover-ed couch typing shit into a computer that other people are reading, because… clearly they’re expert level time-wasting Facebook zombies.

Get over thyself.

You’re ten seconds of fame are up.

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Q & A pages moderated by SAHM’s (stay at home moms) who aren’t Pediatricians or Child Psychologists

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EHHHHT!!!

No way should anyone be taking advice from a know-it-all first time mommy who just happened to birth baby Perfection exactly as calculated ON her due date, and who by the grace of God (and not her expert parenting skills) happens to be completely in sync with all milestones.

News flash. Babies are like snowflakes. Every single one is different. They are preprogrammed to be what they will ultimately be. They do not drop from your loins a mound of play dough for YOU to mold into your dream kid.

It is entirely possible that the same set of parents implementing identical parenting/discipline methods to give birth to- one super star athlete and/or Ivy League school bound kid, one child who struggles academically and one who at age 20-something is still living in the basement headed into drug rehab or working on an assembly line for minimum wage.

DNA is crazy powerful shit.

Case in point- don’t be so cocky to believe YOUR expert parenting is the sole reason for your kids success or therefore lack of.

You are not qualified to be judgy or give others advice.

Let the evidence show that my four children are clones of the Breakfast Club characters. The basket case, the brain, the athlete and the princess. Fortunately, the burnout is ME.

Same parents. Same everything. Except, they happen to be completely DIFFERENT.

DNA is crazy powerful shit.

Patty-Perfect, Nancy-Know-it-all forums drive me CRAZY.

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Just no.

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I don’t do sex and/or vulgarity- This is a public forum, people.

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I’m far from a prude, but I don’t post pics of women with whips and chains. This is not a sex or porn site.

I tend to throw the FUCK bomb around, but I like to keep it extremely fucking classy.

I limit my cursing to the basic- fuck, shit, ass and dammit words.

You won’t find ghetto words or phrases here.

My brassy image can be attributed to the relative ease in which I speak my mind and not necessarily the use of profanities.

Two different things entirely.

I’m a classy woman who fucking swears.

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Beauty pageants

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I’m against any and all pimping of baby or toddler photos for votes.

Babies are unique individuals and beautiful in their own little ways.

Admit it- the contest thing is exclusively for YOUR OWN ego. “Look… I made THIS sweet thing.”

You’re soliciting attention.

Anyone can have sex. Not everyone should have a baby.

Furthermore, my youngest daughter was born with a giant hemangioma on her nose and chest (Strawberry birthmark) and I happen to think SHE was the most beautiful baby ever… because she was.

Also, as a seasoned nurse I’ve held deformed babies, sick babies and babies who were never intended to see their first birthday.

From my unique perspective all babies are a precious gift from God and not objects of beauty to be appraised on physical likeness.

Be humbled by the fact that you live amongst flawed humanity.

Be grateful for your child’s health and celebrate their uniqueness.

Be content and assured, but never boastful.

Child beauty pageants are an entirely separate topic and trust me when I say- you do not want to get me started.

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Spammers

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I despise intentional spammers- strangers who have the audacity to request a shout-out, but can’t be bothered to LIKE the page or follow the blog they’re asking a favor of. It’s the drop-a-link-and-run method. These spammers are typically newbie page administrators who are fishing for QUICK likes, which is completely different from pages who interact on this page regularly.

I maintain a certain loyalty to regular interactive subscribers with whom I’m familiar with. Even if their page is not similar, I will go out of my way to find a common thread to SHARE.

It’s called loyalty.

*Although, in my own defense, sometimes I simply forget. I’m easily distracted on account of the beautiful gift God graced me with called ADHD.

Damn right it’s beautiful… and sparkly.

Fun fact- ADHD is not about inattention, it’s actually about over-attention; paying attention to absolutely everything and not being able to filter out the background stuff. Quite frankly, I happen to find the background stuff fascinating and I’m sorry for those of you who have sharp predictable focus. It must suck to be you.

Sorry. What were we talking about?

Next…

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Give-away pages

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I don’t know why they bug me so much, but they absolutely do. If people only subscribe because they’re treasure hunting for freebies, then they suck… in the literal sense, like slimy leaches.

Get a job.

Go buy your own damned diapers, air freshener, coffee cup or customized pacifier.

Any blog that revolves primarily around STUFF bores the ever living shit out of me.

There’s so much more to LIFE than STUFF.

Give-away blogs are an uber shallow place to spend your time.

It’s not my thing.

However, if you’d like to send me free stuff I certainly won’t turn it away.

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In conclusion, I’m very discriminate about the content of this page. Sometimes it’s all fun and games and other times, it’s serious as a heart attack. Either way, you can be rest assured it’s a NO BULLSHIT zone.

Apologies to my WordPress readers who do not follow my Facebook page. This is not my typical blog post. I am working diligently to get my shit together and felt the need to create necessary links.

Thank you for your patience!!

ABOUT Extreme Mom Facebook Pages and Groups

As you may already know, the most ACTIVE and current Extreme Mom hub can be found on Facebook.

It’s updated more frequently than this WP blog simply because posting is convenient and it’s much easier to navigate.

If you’re interested you can check it out here- https://www.facebook.com/ExtremeMom

Anyway…

Last week I added two social networking GROUPS to the Extreme Mom Facebook family called Extreme Mom Lounge and Extreme Mom Laundry Room- Rants & Advice.

The purpose of this post is to introduce, explain and archive the same groups missions.

Not at all my usual blog post. Apologies to my WordPress subscribers for that.

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These groups are distinctly different from the primary Extreme Mom Facebook page as they’re intended to be a more interactive and supportive forum. They’re also PRIVATE meaning you must request membership and the content of these pages- posts and comments can only be viewed by members. Your boss, husband and family members can NOT view it.

How refreshing and therapeutic.

You’re cordially invited to stop by and hang out.

ABOUT the LOUNGE…

Extreme Mom Lounge is a subgroup of the Extreme Mom Facebook page and blog. It’s the VIP lounge where you can sip Martini’s, guzzle beer, eat popcorn and speak fucking candidly.

You’re encouraged to post, interact and make friends.

Social networking and support at it’s finest.

Although it bears the like name of my blog Extreme Mom, it is not exclusively for moms. It’s more of a grown-up hang-out for men and women alike .

The lounge is also the main communication hub for all that is Extreme Mom- the WordPress blog, Facebook page, Google plus community, Twitter, Instagram and Pinterest boards. Members are guaranteed to get all notifications and posts, unlike fb PAGES which are randomly selected by the fb Gods themselves.

Again, as a private group, ONLY members can view posts and comments, meaning your Facebook friends, family, boss or kids in your class do NOT have access.

Pretty sweet.

Facebook PRIVACY… at last.

A FUN place to hang out.

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DISCLAIMER- I reserve the right to DELETE anything I deem horrific or hateful.

Also, no raunchy or graphic sex stuff. If it borders on porn… DON’T. There are plenty of special kinky sites on the Internet for THAT.

You can ADD or INVITE whomever you like… as long as they’re not involved in the signing of MY paycheck.

The views and opinions posted on this page are not necessarily those of Extreme Mom. Individuals are solely responsible for their own content. Post and comment at your own risk… I will not necessarily mediate or get involved in disputes.

Questions and/or concerns can be messaged to me through the Extreme Mom PAGE.

I don’t know about you, but my regular fb newsfeed makes me want to gouge my eyeballs out. Let’s take the DREADFULLY BORING repetition out of Facebook.

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ABOUT the Extreme Mom Laundry Room- Rants & Advice (Group #2)

I also created a spin-off group of Extreme Mom Lounge called Laundry Room- Rants & Advice.

Incidentally, this was done after a bar fight broke out and plenty of panties got knotted up.

It’s the Extreme Mom Lounges brassy uncensored cousin.

The table where the bad cool kids sit.

It’s an ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK zone.

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Clearly some people have the need to LET LOOSE without reservations. We’re going to attempt to keep those things confined to the LAUNDRY ROOM page and OUT OF THE LOUNGE.

Unfiltered rants go here.  Judgement free.

Have at it.

Need advice or an opinion? Ask here.

*Extreme Mom is in no way accountable for the advice offered by others, because let’s face it, their well-intended counsel could be complete and utter BULLSHIT.

One thing is certain. Many people NEED this outlet. It’s therapeutic, therefore POSITIVE.

People with uninhibited personas and brassy dispositions may feel more comfortable here.

The advantage is- you can chose NOT to join the spin-off group (EM Laundry Room) or you also have the option to JOIN and keep your notifications turned OFF.

Your choice.

If you’re easily offended do not join this group.

The DIFFERENCE?? – I will continue to maintain the original Extreme Mom LOUNGE group as a break room- a place to RELAX, unwind, share snarky humor and meet new people. The lounge is intended to be the more upbeat  positive atmosphere.

No bashing, bickering or blatant fuck-you posts on the Extreme Mom Lounge group page.

Please feel to join BOTH groups. Just be mindful of WHAT is posted WHERE.

This is a private group. If you’d like an invite- type Extreme Mom Laundry Room-Rants & Advice or Extreme Mom Lounge into your facebook browser to get to the groups home page and click REQUEST MEMBERSHIP.

Once you’re a member, you can add friends to the group if you desire.

All trolls, rule-breakers and bullies will be ejected through the Extreme Mom trap door (that empties into the sewage tank) immediately.

Keep Extreme Mom on the list of Top 25 Humor Blogs by clicking on this suspiciously happy looking lady down there. Even better- CLICK to leave a COMMENT  on the Top Mommy Blog Site.

Thanks. Xoxo

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